lately (05.07.18)

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Henlo, friends. I am very tired.

I’ve spent the past 2 months or so in a maelstrom of abject misery, what with trying to interview at like 15 different companies at the same time.

(In Silicon Valley, this generally implies that for each company, you’re spending 1 hour on a recruiter phone call, 1 hour on a live coding exercise, and if you get past those, sometimes 4-8 hours on a take-home project, sometimes 1 hour with each manager whose team you might be joining, and, almost invariably, 6 hours on an onsite interview (though I know of some companies that take up to 16 hours onsite, split over a couple of days).)

After everything, I ended up with exactly one (1) verbal job offer, which I turned down earlier this week, on the grounds that I’d prefer not to work at a company whose self-described engineering culture reeks of Nice Guys™ (a suspicion that was only magnified by their post-interview communications, during which I felt like they were trying to bribe and/or woo me with actual gifts).

So.

It’s May. I’m still at the same job, but I’m making slightly more than I was a couple months ago, thanks to a cost-of-living raise that was 4 months overdue and that took my salary from embarrassingly low to acceptably low.

I’m licking my wounds and wallowing for a bit in my sadness bath and trying not to feel guilty as I concentrate on actually moving out of my childhood home and in with my boyfriend at the apartment I’ve been paying rent on for the past 2 months, instead of trying to interview more.

(I should be studying. I should always be studying(!!!), because I’ve been doing so poorly on my interviews, because I’m mediocre at my profession and I can only get better through practice. But my study strategy so far has consisted of doing practice problems until I have an anxiety attack (lol), and then mentally checking out until the actual interview via a diet of fanfiction, YA fiction, and online window shopping.

And I know you could easily argue that it’s a numbers game and everyone faces rejection sometimes and I haven’t been through that many interviews, but that doesn’t change the fact that I feel guilty for not being stoic enough to study harder. I just… My brain broke, so maybe I did do my best, and it just wasn’t very good.)

Anyway. This work stuff is all a bit boring, so here are some other things I’ve been up to over the past 2 months or so:

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