lately (01.31.20)

This post contains affiliate links, because I like money, but I s2g I wrote this post before adding the affiliate links and the monetization does not affect my opinions.

As I write this, I’m sitting at the dining room table while the smell of our landlords’/downstairs neighbors’ frying fish wafts in through the heating vents. The cat is loafed on the corner of the living room carpet that has the best view of the front door, worrying about when she’s going to be fed. (In about forty-five minutes.) I’m thinking about food, too, and feeling a little guilty for working on this post instead of on my project for class. But I am glad to have taken the time to reflect on these past couple weeks in order to write this post, so since my last update, I’ve been…

…wearing

  • matte olive eyeshadow, namely ColourPop’s Pressed Powder Shadow in Team Captain. My partner bought this for me as part of my Christmas gift, and it is gorgeous. I was a little worried it’d read too green on me, but it’s actually quite neutral on my skintone and reads more like a rich shade of gray, so it’s very wearable.
  • plum eyeliner, namely ColourPop’s Crème Gel Liner in Charmer. This was also part of my Christmas gift. I’d initially thought about getting a burgundy shade like Joy Ride, but I was afraid it’d look too harsh on me, so I went with plum instead. Charmer is really not as dark as it looks in the pictures; it’s more like a bruised pink/purple shade. I’ve been wearing it along my lower lashline, which looks quite subtle and (IMO) very pretty.
  • Glossier Cloud Paint in Storm, which I received as a sample and thus wore only once. It’s a “warm rose” shade that I thought would be way too dark/look too mature on me, but it blends out so easily, and I find the color kind of… sexy? I don’t really know how to describe it, but I’ve added it to my makeup wishlist.

anothertoast - samglorious - selfie - glossier cloud paint storm - olive green wool beret - uniqlo turtleneck - ines de la fressange plaid wool blazer - colourpop lip tint

I love this blush color???

Olive green wool beret: Amazon, gift. Blush: Glossier Cloud Paint in Storm. Lip color: ColourPop Lip Tint in Rise N Shine. Dark teal turtleneck: Uniqlo. Wool plaid blazer: Ines de la Fressange for Uniqlo.

  • my Privé Alliance “Combat Hood” hoodie, which is T H I C C. This was also a Christmas gift from my partner, and I got a Women’s Medium. To be honest, when I first tried it on, I was disappointed to find that the fit was on the slim side, rather than being baggy and boob-masking, like I’d hoped for. I genuinely wanted to look exactly like Baekhyun from EXO’s November 18, 2018 12th MUGI-BOX live broadcast, but alas! I have boobs and hips. If I were to buy it again, I’d probably go up to a Men’s Large to achieve my desired boobless, assless, sweaterpaw dreams. Nevertheless, it’s still a satisfyingly unfeminine hoodie, and the material is RIDICULOUSLY thick and soft. (I mean, it better be, for a hoodie that costs $90.)

anothertoast - samglorious - outfit - prive alliance combat hoodie - uniqlo sinny jeans - veja v-10 sneakers

I love this outfit and I feel very first of all I look good in this shirt about it.

Navy blue peacoat: Uniqlo. Hoodie: Privé Alliance. Black skinny jeans: Uniqlo. Sneakers: Veja V-10.

…spending money on a lot of SheIn items. My overall review of SheIn is that 1) it’s significantly better quality than I thought it would be, 2) the sizing charts are pretty dang accurate, so if you know your bust/waist/hip measurements, you’ll have an easy time finding your size (and of course, when in doubt, you should size up for non-stretch items), 3) it’s worth taking the time to sift through the reviews for photos and people who write more than just “pretty!!!”, and 4) sale prices usually mean final sale, so shop carefully.

The lighting in these photos is potato quality, but here’s what I ordered:

  • a black blazer with ruched sleeves

shein blazer - black - shawl collar ruched sleeve ticket pocket

SHEIN Shawl Collar Tailored Blazer in Black, $27 (I paid $23.44)

I already own a black blazer from Express, and it also has 3/4-length sleeves, but 1) it’s cropped and 2) I bought it for a funeral, so I’ve been wanting to get another one. The quality is better than I expected, although I suppose that’s not saying much. The material is thin for a blazer (which you can tell from how it’s still holding the wrinkles from being folded and shipped), but I’d say it’s significantly better quality than Forever21 and only slightly lower quality than the Express blazer. The fit is great for me: The ruched sleeves hit about halfway down my forearm (and frankly it’s much more comfortable to wear pre-ruched sleeves than to actually roll up your blazer sleeves), and the back hem hits right at the juncture of booty and thigh.

  • a green blazer with ruched sleeves

shein blazer - green - shawl collar ruched sleeve ticket pocket
SHEIN Solid Shawl Collar Ticket Pocket Blazer in Green, $29 (I paid $25.17)

This is the same style as the black blazer, but in dark green. I suppose I’ve been wanting a colored blazer for a long time, and my navy blue one from Ann Taylor just doesn’t cut it. I’m pleased with how this pairs with jeans – it looks put-together but not as formal (or waitress-y) as black.

  • a light brown tweed blazer with ruched sleeves

shein blazer - brown herringbone tweed - shawl collar ruched sleeve ticket pocket

shein blazer - brown herringbone tweed - shawl collar ruched sleeve ticket pocket - fabric detail

SHEIN Ruched Sleeve Dual Pocket Solid Blazer, $31 (I paid $26.91)

I 100% bought this for Little Women/Jo March reasons. The fit is great, and while the material is slightly thin, it does have a nice tweedy feel, and the herringbone pattern makes it look more expensive than it is.

  • a tweed button-down midi skirt

shein wales check single breasted houndstooth plaid skirt - tweed button down midi skirt

shein wales check single breasted houndstooth plaid skirt - tweed button down midi skirt - fabric buttons detail

SHEIN Wales Check Single Breasted Skirt, $21 $18 (I paid $18.23)

I also bought this for Jo March reasons. I have to say I don’t love the buttons on this (they’re matte black, and I think they look a little cheap), so I might end up swapping them out, but the fit and length on this skirt are fantastic. The buttons/buttonholes are all fully functional, and the skirt is fully lined. As with the above blazer, the tweediness of the material and the houndstooth pattern both make it feel more expensive than it is. (Also, for the record, I’ve been wanting a skirt like this since 2006, when I handmade one with a very nubby brown houndstooth fabric for a fashion design class I was taking. I kept it for ages but rarely wore it because I was embarrassed about how poorly I installed the center back zipper. The whole thing was hand-sewn, and I was very proud of my hems, but that zipper was far too prominent for a garment that was meant to look prim and proper.)

  • a white V-neck cami

shein solid v-back cami top - white v neck camisole undershirt

SHEIN Solid V-Back Cami Top in White, $10 (I paid $8.68)

I bought this to wear under white blouses. The V-neck (and V-back) look good through a blouse, and it’s very comfortable. The material is stretchy and the fit is snug and it’s actually made of two layers of jersey, which is nice for opacity reasons. It’s been ages since I’ve owned a camisole (I suppose mostly because I switched over to t-shirts for my undershirts, since the armpit barrier that a t-shirt provides saves me a wash for whatever I’m wearing over it), but it’s nice to have again.

  • a white ribbed cami with a sweetheart neckline

shein rib-knit solid cami top - white camisole undershirt sweetheart neckline ribbed

SHEIN Rib-knit Solid Cami Top in White, $6 (I paid $5.21)

I also bought this to wear under white blouses. The neckline is very flattering and looks good through a blouse, and it’s very comfortable and fits snugly, but it does bother me a bit that the straps are just skinny tubes of fabric with a bit of elasticity. I’m not sure how they’ll hold up through multiple washes, but for $5.21… it’s certainly good enough for now.

  • a white Peter Pan collar blouse

shein button front frill trim blouse - white peter pan collar blouse ruffled pearl button

SHEIN Premium Button Front Frill Trim Blouse, $19 (I paid $16.28)

This is a SheIn Premium item, and it does seem to be of nicer quality than the other items I tried on. I also bought this for Jo March reasons. The fabric is semi-sheer, the fit is slightly loose (optimal for being tucked!), and the buttons appear to be exactly the same as the ones on that Victorian blouse from Amazon from my last update.

  • a white Swiss dot blouse

shein swiss dot button front frill trim top - frill neck flounce sleeve white blouse

SHEIN Swiss Dot Button Front Frill Trim Top in White, $18 (I paid $15.62)

I bought this for Jo March reasons. I spent days debating whether or not to return this blouse, but I decided to keep it because I… love a ruffle. My complaints about this top are that the material is very sheer and the sleeves run short on me (and I don’t have particularly long arms). But the style is REAL cute.

  • a tweed miniskirt

shein wales check zip back skirt - gray plaid miniskirt tweed

shein wales check zip back skirt - gray plaid miniskirt tweed - fabric detail

SHEIN Wales Check Zip Back Skirt in Grey, $11 $9 (I paid $9.69)

I think this might actually be exactly the same material as the midi skirt, but I’ve always loved tweed (and herringbone and plaid and other stereotypical English prep school fabrics/patterns), and as much as I love to dress like a 10-year-old boy, I also love to look Very Proper™. I owned a black and white houndstooth bouclé miniskirt before (from the 90s, rescued from my aunt’s giveaway pile), but it was a little too small for me and always rode up scandalously when I walked. This one fits a lot better and has a bit of an A-line so my butt isn’t threatening to rip it open every time I take a step. Also it’s lined! Which is good news for tights-wearers like myself.

  • a dark blue A-line corduroy miniskirt with front zipper

shein o-ring zip up pocket side corduroy skirt - navy blue a line miniskirt

SHEIN O-Ring Zip Up Pocket Side Corduroy Skirt in Navy, $9 (I paid $7.93)

This is not a good photo (I mean, none of these are good photos), but the Navy color is more of a dark dusty blue, which is pretty true to the product photos on the website.

This is a really cute style and the length is really good (short enough to make my legs look long, but long enough so that I’m not worrying about flashing my butt (or, more realistically, the shorts I’m wearing underneath)). There’s no lining, and the fabric is pretty thin for corduroy, but it’s certainly thick enough that I won’t have to worry about VPL.

  • a neon pink mock neck crop top with ruffle hems

shein neon pink lettuce trim rib knit form fitting tee - bright neon pink magenta crop top ribbed lettuce frill trim mock neck

SHEIN Neon Pink Lettuce Trim Rib-Knit From Fitting Tee in Pink,Bright, $6 (I paid $5.28)

(Yes, it is a “from fitting tee” in “pink,bright.” This looks terrible on a hanger because of how tiny it is, but I promise it’s super cute IRL.)

I bought this to wear to the SuperM concert, since the fandom color is pink. The material is very stretchy and comfortable, and I sized down so it’d be cropped enough on me. (I have a low bustline/short torso, so I prefer my crop tops to hit well above my bellybutton.) It’s a VERY bright pink, but I was hoping it’d be more blue-based; this one’s definitely got a bit more yellow in it and almost veers into coral territory. The lettuce trim is delightful and reminds me of a striped green Gap(? or possibly Old Navy) longsleeve top I was obsessed with wearing in the late 90s/early 2000s.

  • super high-waisted skinny black pants

shein wrap notch waist button detail cigarette pants - black skinny super high waist stretch pants front seam

SHEIN Wrap Notch Waist Button Detail Cigarette Pants, $13 $7 (I paid $6.17)

I was not expecting these pants to be any good when I ordered them, but they’re GREAT. The button came in a little baggie and I had to sew it on myself, but the pants cost $6.17, so I’ve got no complaints. The fit is super flattering, the material feels surprisingly durable and not crepe-y, and they’re stretchy enough to do squats in them. I kind of look like I’m trying to cosplay the LOONA “Butterfly” music video when I wear these with a blouse tucked in, which is totally fine by me.

  • platform lug sole Chelsea boots

shein lug sole chelsea boots - platform concert shoes - lightweight foam sole

SHEIN Lug Sole Chelsea Boots, $27 (I paid $23.44)

As I mentioned in my last post, I ordered these specifically to give me a little height at the SuperM concert, since I’ve got floor seats. I was very, very pleased when they arrived. They have a really strong plastic/chemical smell fresh out of the box, but it dissipates if you leave them out for a day or two. I’d already bought platform shoes from Asia before (for my Lara Jean costume), so I was expecting that the soles would be foam, and they were. I can see how some people would consider this to be a quality issue, but frankly if I’m wearing 2″ platforms, I don’t want the weight of my shoes to reflect that. The foam is lightweight and definitely sturdy enough for standing and walking, though I’m sure it’ll wear down more quickly than rubber soles. (There’s a reason these cost me $23.44.) Also, the fabric is faux suede, and it’s that sort of black that’s so dark that you know it’s cheap material, but it doesn’t really bother me for this style of shoe. The ankles aren’t super stiff, as I’ve found to be the case on some cheap shoes, so that’s nice. And the boots are comfortable on their own, though I’ve also been able to slip my orthotics in with no problem because it’s basically a flat shoe. (I bought my usual sneaker size, which is a half-size up from my heel size. If these were a lace-up boot, I’d probably have gone another half-size up so I could wear thick socks.)

…and also spending money on

  • a Kai slogan from MPST herself! A day after I tried to purchase the yellow Gucci slogan from Taobao via Yoybuy, they refunded me because the seller was out of stock, so when MPST tweeted that she’d be attending the 2nd leg of the SuperM tour and selling her goods at the concerts, I filled out her form right away.

mpst exokai_kr motion picture soundtrack - exo kai fansite slogan banner towel handfan - kai jongin gucci yellow argyle sweater 190907

(Actually, I think I may have filled it out and paid incorrectly, so I hope she’ll have enough on hand for me to purchase if I’ve done it wrong…)

(I hope that I’ll actually get to attend the concert, what with the coronavirus spreading. The venue will have a lot of people who’ve traveled through airports, and we’ll be packed into close quarters for several hours, which seems like the perfect setup for spreading a contagious virus… At the very least, I hope the symptoms will be relatively mild for most people.)

  • Steam’s Lunar New Year sale. I picked up
    • GRIS, which I’ve seen Char recommend multiple times on Tumblr, and which has really pretty artwork
    • The Wolf Among Us, which was recommended to me by my old coworker Bernardo, after I told him I liked 90s adventure games. (I think it was around the time I was playing Grim Fandango, so like… ages ago.) I’ve been warned that this one gets pretty violent, so I’ll have to see if the puzzles/storyline are worth it for me.
    • Machinarium, which was recommended by both Sean B and George. The puzzles look solid, and the robot… is so smol…
  • 4″ faux fur pompoms from Fffabuknits on Etsy. I bought white ones with neon pink tips, to wear in my hair for the SuperM concert. (The fandom color is pink.) I grossly underestimated how enormous 4″ pompoms would look on my head, but I’ve already committed to looking a little ridiculous.

fffabuknits etsy - faux fur pom poms - white withi neon pink tips

I should’ve added a banana for scale, but each of these faux fur pompoms is 4″ across when measured from leftmost fluff tip to rightmost fluff tip.

…listening to

  • Harry Styles – “Adore You”, which is the only song other than “Lights Up” that I really like from Fine Line (which is a good thing for my wallet, or else I’d be pining for concert tickets right now). GOD do I love it.
  • Dvořák’s American Quartet, which is what Jo and Laurie dance to when they first meet in Greta Gerwig’s Little Women
  • the entire Little Women soundtrack
  • TEN – “New Heroes” and “Dream in a Dream”. I really love both songs, and they both have gorgeous music videos as well. Ten is a beautiful, beautiful dancer – like, just so pretty and so… full of grace. I was tempted to write “graceful” at first to be more concise, but “full of grace” feels more right. Like not only physically elegant but also with a touch of godliness or divinity. Have a look for yourself:

✨✨✨

….reading

  • Little Women by Louisa May Alcott. I’m keeping it as my backburner book for reading between fic and library holds. (I tend to read classics as my backburner books because I don’t feel pressured to read them quickly.) I continue to love it for its warmth and coziness. ☺️
  • Little Weirds by Jenny Slate. Autobiographies are naturally self-centered, so this book is very navel-gaze-y, but in an endearing way that celebrates, like, being alive and having big feelings. It’s a funny little glimpse into Jenny Slate’s brain, and it has a few gems in it. I particularly liked the introductory passage about being a croissant. I did not like the chapters about ghosts. I’d say to give it a try, and if you like the intro, you’ll probably like most of the book, and you can just skim the parts that don’t speak to you to get to the good stuff.
  • “All Life is Yours to Miss” by Saras_Girl. I always love this author’s worldbuilding and I would die for this Draco and his giant pet beetle Stanley.

…starting to read “Away from the Sun” by hgfan1111, recommended to me by Alice. (I’d’ve linked it, but like Maya’s ancient and legendary Drarry fics, it’s only available as a furtively emailed PDF these days. (but hmu if you’d like a copy.)) I almost never seek out het fic, but I’m liking this one so far. It’s pretty heavy (Harry dies, Ginny grieves, Ginny becomes an Auror), but the Ginny-centric narration is a nice change of pace for me, and the plot is great so far. (It has a few writing quirks that I find a little annoying, like how often the characters use direct address, but it’s not enough to stop me from being TOTALLY ABSORBED in the storyline.)

…remembering that I own and have never worn this sparkly black boucle tweed Zara Basic jacket from a few years ago:

zara basic - sparkly black boucle tweed plaid jacket

It’s cute and a little grandma-y, which is perfect for how I feel like dressing right now.

…going through this “Why Is It So Important For You to Have a Baby?” exercise with my partner. (I believe it’s intended for couples experiencing infertility, but we just marked those questions as N/A as they came up.)

Neither of us feels strongly about having children (and we both think the logical conclusion is that if we feel ambivalent about bringing life into the world, we probably shouldn’t do it), but I still wanted to make sure each of us knew exactly where the other person stood. My fertility’s already past its peak, after all, so our baby window is slowly closing.

It didn’t break too much new ground for us, as we’d already discussed babies quite a lot, and we hold very similar views for all the categories in the questionnaire, but it was pretty interesting to see how much more external pressure I feel than he does, and how little either of us has “ego needs.”

(I know that I can be very judgmental about some people’s decisions to become parents, because I can only sympathize with them on an abstract, humans will be humans level (and cannot empathize with them at all), but I will say this: People who want children because they “want to see what they’ll turn out like” (and I most definitely have known and currently know people like this) should do this fucking questionnaire.)

…reading Temptalia’s post on cosmetic grade glitter and immediately throwing out all of my glitter eye products, including

  • ColourPop Pressed Glitter in Hungry Ghost. I received this as a Christmas gift and tried to wear it exactly 2 times before throwing it out. I’d wanted to do glitter cheekbones like Betty Who or glitter tears/undereye circles like Troye Sivan, but both times that I tried applying Hungry Ghost, I ended up looking like I’d just drawn silver stripes on my face. The formula is great and the glitter goes on tightly packed and opaque, but the glitter particles are really big, and they’re really hard to get off your skin. After trying makeup wipes, oil cleansers, and straight coconut oil, I ended up having to scrape the stragglers off with my nails. It’s super shiny, but I would be very hesitant to apply such large particle glitter anywhere near my eyeballs.
  • ColourPop Super Shock Shadow in Birthday Wish and Birthday Cake, both of which were gifts from their anniversary sales. I’ve worn Birthday Wish as highlighter, but it kinda made me look like C-3PO. It’s just too glittery for me.
  • Missha Dewy Glossy Eyes in Orange Pekoe and Grape Candy. I’ve only worn these a couple times, but they always end up irritating my eyes a little. I think the glitter is probably to blame (even though it looks quite fine), and I don’t even like the finish or the colors very much, so away they go.
  • Sephora Midnight Magic Face & Body Glitter Pot in Holographic. The glitter of this one is actually super fine and doesn’t worry me the way the previous products do, but it’s really messy and I never use it.

goodbye glitter makeup - sephora midnight magic face body glitter - colourpop super shock shadow - missha dewy glossy eyes - colourpop pressed glitter

They’re all very pretty, but I value my eyeballs too much to keep using them, so 🎵 GOODBYE MY ALMOST LOVER / GOODBYE MY HOPELESS DREAM 🎵

…working on my face mask stash

anothertoast - samglorious - face mask - sheet mask - kareskin - innisfree - boscia - nature republic

Left to right: 1) Kare Skin Opti-Mask Hydrate, 2) Innisfree Pore Clearing Clay Mask, 3) Innisfree Intensified Antioxidant Mask with Fermented Green Tea, 4) Boscia Luminizing Black Charcoal Mask, 5) Nature Republic Real Nature Acai Berry Mask Sheet

….eating

  • quick pickled cabbage, to use up our leftover red cabbage. I used this recipe, but frankly I’m not a fan. I suppose I was hoping for the cabbage to soften in the pickling acids, but they did not. It does add nice color and sourness and crunch to a sandwich, though.
  • honey dijon Kettle chips. I’m a big fan of sea salt & vinegar as well as pepperoncini, but I totally forgot how much I love honey mustard everything.
  • tiny chocolate cakes, made using Smitten Kitchen’s recipe again. Protip: if you’re using a chocolate bar (as opposed to chocolate chips), don’t cut the sugar too much.

smitten kitchen chocolate puddle cakes - molten center lava mini cake

I hate that I feel the need to add this disclaimer to 90% of my photos, but I am not a photographer or a food stylist, and this is not Instagram. This is my shitty little personal blog, and I am posting this crappy photo as a record of a thing that made me happy. 

  • soup noodles and seafood at Tang Bar. This isn’t quite a cook-your-own hot pot place, but you do get to pick your own raw ingredients from the fridges. You pay by the pound for your bowl, and then the kitchen prepares it with your choice of broth. My mom and I had the hot and sour pickled vegetable broth, and it was SO good. The seafood seemed really fresh, and there’s a wide selection of leafy greens, mushrooms/fungi, and tofu/soy products.

tang bar - soup ingredients

the fridges, feat. my mother, who is making Very Important Decisions

tang bar - hot and sour pickled vegetable broth

🤤

…setting up the ads.txt file for this blog. I was too lazy to do it manually, so I ended up using the Ad Inserter plugin.

…working on a few crafty things, including

  • the sock mending from my previous update. I did find a wider-eyed needle in my new embroidery kit, and I did end up using full-width embroidery floss for the rest of the darn, so the repair went a lot faster, but I also think the resulting patch is quite stiff. I also deeply regret just grabbing whichever embroidery floss scraps were closest to me, because the repaired socks turned out profoundly ugly.

crafty stuff - sock darning - embroidery floss

Choose your colors, kids! Don’t leave it up to fate!! I wish I’d only used one color or at least chosen harmonious colors. This is visible mending Gone Wrong. But at least these socks are wearable again.

crafty stuff - sock darning mending - embroidery floss

Abominable colors aside, the interior weaving is pretty neat! On the left one, anyway.

  • more sock mending, on a fuzzy sock, this time with actual yarn!

crafty stuff - sock darning mending repair - fuzzy socks with yarn

Left pic is the interior, right pic is the exterior. This was an incredibly quick and easy repair, and the fuzzy sock yarn makes it very hard to spot the darning unless you’re stretching the material to show it. These socks were a gift from my partner’s mom, so I’m glad they’ll be wearable for a little longer.

  • hemming the sleeves of a chopped-up sweatshirt my partner used as a costume piece

crafty stuff - sweatshirt sleeve hand sewn hem

Fairly neat, eh? I haven’t done much hand sewing in a while, but I still find it very soothing.

crafty stuff - h&m red turtleneck sweaterdress tunic hem

The hem in question was at the back of the neck, where the neck attaches to the body. The machine finishing was a little loose, so I stitched it up with some regular thread.

(My mom bought this deep red sweaterdress/tunic for herself. 👯‍♀️)

  • splitting for the armholes in my crop top knitting pattern and promptly messing up
  • adding a lifeline piece of yarn to my knitting project, as recommended by Victoria. I’ve already used it at least 5 times as I’ve tried and retried to start this armhole portion correctly. I ended up buying a pack of tapestry needles in order to thread the yarn through the stitches, but you can also just tape up the end of the yarn like a shoelace aglet and do it that way, though it takes much longer. It’s so worth it to be able to quickly undo my project to a safe position, though. Lifeline yarn is basically the knitting equivalent of a save point.

crafty stuff - lifeline yarn

(If it isn’t obvious, the red yarn is the lifeline.)

…making good use of our Souper Cubes and freezing like 20+ bricks’ worth of soup (and a few bricks of beans)

souper cubes 1 cup silicon ice cube tray frozen soup meal prep

They look kind of gross, but MAN are they convenient to have sitting around for days when you want a minimal effort meal. This picture includes our frozen beans, but it does not include the soup cubes we haven’t popped out of the trays yet (or the cubes we’ve already eaten). I don’t know why I keep calling them cubes when they are clearly not cubic, but whatever. SOUPER CUBES! THEY’RE GREAT!!!

…having really poor sleep quality. I think my airflow must be getting cut off when I sleep, because I keep suddenly waking up at odd hours feeling like my heart is gonna beat out of my chest. The pounding headaches also make me think it’s a congestion issue, because I’m allergic to the cat I live with, and having the heater on dries me out, and I think our landlords’ kitchen vents directly into my bedroom (and the bathroom). (Our landlords live downstairs, and they frequently cook really pungent foods. Several times a week, I wake up to the smell of e.g. frying fish in my bedroom, and the air quality indicator light on my HEPA air filter changes to purple for “Medium Polluted.”)

The only fixes that come to mind are A) getting a bed wedge, the kind used for medical (and sexual?) purposes, so that I can remain slightly upright while sleeping, and/or B) installing a better screen on my windows so I can actually keep it open at night for fresh air without a dozen spiders crawling in. (I exaggerate. It was 2 spiders and a whole mess of small flying insects that left bites all over my arms. The screen the landlords have installed is virtually useless because there’s a sizable gap between the screen and the window frame.)

…celebrating Chinese New Year with my family. I guess I should say Lunar New Year, but as someone who used to be really ashamed of not being white, there’s something deeply satisfying about asserting that this holiday is tied to my cultural identity.

chinese new year - food spread

i am very proud of my mom and her fish-shaped dish

(Actually this was our New Year’s Eve meal. I don’t have a picture of our food from the day of, but it was mostly store-bought dim sum.)

(…Also these pics seem slightly pixelated, but I didn’t take these pictures, so I’m not sure what’s up.)

chinese new year - dessert spread

this was supposed to be a table for desserts, but for some reason there’s turnip cake here

anothertoast - samglorious - outfit - h&m bright red turtleneck sweater dress tunic - veja v-10 sneakers - uniqlo black skinny jeans

That bright red turtleneck sweaterdress/tunic in action. Actually this picture is from the day my mom bought it for me, not from New Year’s, but you get the idea. The color is REALLY bright and has a touch of orange to it, which I think you can tell from these pictures.

Red turtleneck sweater: H&M. Black skinny jeans: Uniqlo. Sneakers: Veja V-10.

…gathering old outfit photos that I never posted and that’ve been sitting around for literal years. It was interesting to see which items I used to (and in some cases, still) wear frequently, and what kind of style phases I went through. I hope to edit and eventually post all of them.

…panicking! about the coronavirus! I wish I did not catastrophize so much, but I have spent virtually my whole life bracing for an(other) apocalyptic event because that is what me as a child felt my father’s death to be! A scorched earth, end of days, unthinkable, unstoppable disaster! And I cannot get that small and broken part of me to be quiet! I simply constantly expect death!!! (And according to The Literature, this is perfectly normal for adults who experienced the sudden death of a parent during childhood. The feeling that death is, like, just chilling in the next room never really leaves me, but it usually doesn’t interfere with my ability to, say, do the dishes without bursting into tears. I’ve calmed down since that incident, but goddammit.)

…coding, begrudgingly. I am… getting annoyed with this project and coding in general again, which I’m not particularly surprised by, but it is making me worry about how I’m going to deal with my lack of motivation in a couple months’ time… again….

But anyway. I hope this month has been a good one for you, but if not (and even if so), I hope next month will be kinder.

For February, I’m hoping to

  • have a fun, safe, non-infectious time at the SuperM concert
  • finish writing the blog posts I started about the costumes my partner and I wore to dress up as Peter Kavinsky & Lara Jean from To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before as well as Max & Roxanne from A Goofy Movie
  • edit 15-20 sets of old outfit photos
  • finish knitting the front piece of my crop top
  • and finish this fucking project

Speaking of which, I ought to get back to it now that this post has reached its conclusion. But first… a few more pages of “Away from the Sun”…

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