inaction

This post contains affiliate links, because I like money, but I s2g I wrote this post before adding the affiliate links and the monetization does not affect my opinions.

Hello bubs. I’m currently folded up with menstrual cramps on my boyfriend’s couch while the cat licks her butthole next to me.

I have so many half-started (more like eighth-started) posts sitting around, but even though I want to work on them, I can’t bring myself to actually do it.

I used to feel antsy with possibility whenever a new year rolled around, but I think ever since starting my current job about two years ago, I keep finding myself too exhausted to take inventory of my life after the holidays. Or maybe that’s just adulthood. Maybe that’s just what it’s like to be in a relationship, because what’s happening in front of me feels more important than a hypothetical improved version of myself. Maybe I’m done with self-improvement. Or maybe I just need to find a new job.

sam thinking about work

me thinking about going to work

(I do. I’m unhappy at work, and it’s making my anxiety flare up in a way that hasn’t happened in a couple years. Also, I’m underpaid, because my employer sucks.)

(To be clear: I get paid a lot, by most standards, but I’m making at least $15k less than market rate for someone with my experience. I’m not complaining about making too little; I’m complaining about my company being run by a bunch of assholes. They are underpaying everyone whose salary I know.)

Maybe I should set a baby goal. A mini goal, that is. Not a goal for a baby. I know I’m that age now, but I don’t want a baby just yet.

I did talk to a recruiter on Friday, which is good for phone interview practice. But I’m procrastinating on setting up my follow-up phone call, which is painful to think about, mostly because I’m afraid the technical interviewer on the other end is going to discover I’m a fraud and I’m actually incompetent. (Which is my own fear about myself.)

I gotta do it, though. I gotta do it. How else am I supposed to change my situation?

(THANKS, SELF, FOR MAKING ME WRITE THIS BLOG POST. I EMAILED THE RECRUITER BACK. I’M SWEATING.)

Here’s a mini update of other things I’ve been busy with:

  • reading Ready Player One by Ernest Kline (Goodreads | Amazon)
  • and Ratf**ked: The True Story Behind The Secret Plan To Steal America’s Democracy by David Daley (Goodreads | Amazon)
  • and My Brilliant Friend by Elena Ferrante (Goodreads | Amazon)
  • thinking about buying tickets to go see Betty Who in concert
  • trying to avoid buying clothing, shoes, accessories, or makeup for a while
  • doing a backdoor Roth IRA for the first time
  • playing Overcooked with my boyfriend in an attempt to improve our communication, coordination, and teamwork (IT’S SO FUN! And frustrating. But mostly fun!)
  • getting back into Since First I Saw Your Face (it was a WIP and I was stuck waiting for an update for a while) and LIVING for Holmes’ pining
  • hurtin’ to watch the new Jumanji because KAREN GILLAN!!! Her legs make me useless.

Tomorrow, I’m going to the Legion of Honor to see the Klimt/Rodin special exhibit (before I head home to study more practice problems from Cracking the Coding Interview and to sit in dread thinking about going in to work on Monday). It’s been a while since my last trip to a museum and I’m looking forward to being movèd by art again. I think my heart needs it.

lately (07.30.17)

This post contains affiliate links, because I like money, but I s2g I wrote this post before adding the affiliate links and the monetization does not affect my opinions.

Happy Sunday, pals.

I’m currently sprawled out across the couch at my partner’s apartment (well, the upper third of my body is on the couch, the middle third is on an ottoman, and the bottom third is just floating in space), still listening to Louis Tomlinson’s “Back to You” (which is a SMASH FUCKIN HIT AND MY #1 FAVORITE SOLO 1D THING THAT’S COME OUT SO FAR, LONG LIVE KING LOUIS) on repeat.

(Aside: I’m using Augustus’ Audio-Technica ATH-M50 over-ear headphones (here’s the newer model) and IT’S GLORIOUS having the Tommo piped right into my ears.)

Here’s what I’ve been up to in the past couple weeks since my last life update.

I…

  • had this delicious burger which had grilled onions cooked in angostura bitters(!) at Maven

maven san francisco hayes valley - maven's burger with onions cooked in angostura bitters - little gem salad with toasted quinoa - happy hour kolsch

The little gem salad was topped with toasted quinoa, which was deliciously crunchy. We came for happy hour, so I had a free Kölsch with my burger.

  • acquired two single tickets to Niall Horan’s Flicker Sessions! I snagged a balcony seat and Augustus somehow managed to get a floor ticket for me, which means I could be close enough to see Niall’s spit flying out of his mouth!!! But I’m debating selling the floor ticket because the last time I attended a 1D concert was their Up All Night Tour in 2012, where I managed to get 5th row tickets at the door. The concert was a lot of fun, but it was terrifying being surrounded and crushed by so many screaming fans while waiting in line. I’m not sure I can go through that again, especially since I’ll be alone this time.
  • remembered that Zach is my favorite speller of all time:

he paints him self as fruigle

  • have been wearing BB Cream again (a mix of Missha M Signature Real Complete BB Cream in 21 and 23 (Light Pink Beige and Natural Yellow Beige)) because my skin’s been on the fritz. I think my bout of good skin a couple months ago was a direct result of resetting my sleep schedule to what I call “bed by 11, up by 7” for a few weeks, but soon after making that post I went back to Anxiety-Induced Insomnia™, so… here I am, wearing makeup again.

anothertoast - samglorious - uneven hyperpigmentation acne bad skin - skincare - bb cream

These pictures were taken after sunscreen and makeup. 🙁 Acne and hyperpigmentation galore.

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lately (07.09.17)

This post contains affiliate links, because I like money, but I s2g I wrote this post before adding the affiliate links and the monetization does not affect my opinions.

I realized after making my last substantial post (let’s talk about money, part iii: long-term financial goals and plans) that the only topic that’s taking up so much space in my brain that I need to capture it in words and let it loose on the internet is … money.

Which is all well and good ’cause, like, sometimes my head runs out of room and I need to put my extra thoughts somewhere, like a Pensieve, but also! It is important to remind myself that there is more to life than being afraid of not acquiring enough money to support my family.

For example, this SICK mashup of Nicki Minaj’s “Anaconda” with The Phantom of the Opera:

This is up there with “Call Me A Hole” (“Call Me Maybe” x “Head Like A Hole” by Nine Inch Nails) as one of my favorite mashups of all time.

Hang on to your butts, ’cause this is a long one. Here are some other things I’ve been up to lately other than jamming to unlikely musical combinations:

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lately (05.14.17)

This post contains affiliate links, because I like money, but I s2g I wrote this post before adding the affiliate links and the monetization does not affect my opinions.

I started off this post with “well pals it’s been a long time since my last life update,” but then I realized… I haven’t posted any life updates on this blog. What a concept.

Anyway, it’s been never since my last life update, so here’s what I’ve been up to lately:

  • skivving off work for a hot second in order to obtain A SOLO TICKET FOR SOLO HARRY STYLES!!! 🌸🌺🌷🌹 I did try to buy multiple tickets at first, but after one failed search, I spooked and switched to searching for a single ticket, which I bought as soon as it appeared on my phone screen. The whole process took like a minute and a half, not counting the 5 minutes before the sale time when I sat there compulsively refreshing my phone, but it felt like I’d just run a marathon. I’ll be seeing him in San Francisco (#BLESSED) and I can’t WAIT to hear my beautiful frog prince son Harry Styles perform! The last time I saw him in concert was at One Direction’s Up All Night Tour in 2012, which is way too long ago. I’m especially looking forward to hearing “Carolina,” “Two Ghosts,” and “Ever Since New York” live.

WHAT. A. BABE.

Black mini backpack, black blazer with a bit of shoulder padding, black button-up shirt buttoned to the neck, all offset with her true red lipstick!!! Sartorial genius!!!

AN ICON. AN ANGEL.

💖

  • reading 8 Minutes Idle by Matt Thorne and honestly kinda loathing it every time I pick it up. I received the ebook for this when I Kickstarted the film project (because I liked Antonia Thomas so much in Misfits), but I find Dan SO unlikeable, and the scenarios he finds himself in get progressively more depraved and seem to serve no purpose in the story. :/
  • finishing my reread of Call Me By Your Name by André Aciman, which I started immediately after my first read, because it is that good. (It is hands-down the sexiest book I have ever read in my entire life.🍑) As with my first read, I highlighted a lot of sections in the Kindle app, although this time I was actually unable to export my highlights because I exceeded the publisher limit for exports… probably because I highlighted THIRTY-ONE PAGES of text. That’s 12.1% of the 256-page long book. If that’s not a convincing recommendation I don’t know what is.
  • reading The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas and cringing because it’s so accurate and casual in its depiction of the small and large indignities and injustices that people of color face – some groups more than others. While it’s occasionally heavy-handed, 1) some people need systemic racism spelled out for them, and 2) it’s hard not to fall in love with the characters and root for Starr, the Black teenage girl who narrates the story, and for her family and friends and neighbors and white-ass boyfriend. And frankly, it feels really fucking validating to read in print a story that acknowledges just how much white people DON’T GET IT!!! (See the fuck below.)

women's march - angela peoples - don't forget white women voted for trump - kevin banatte

(Photo by Kevin Banatte for The New York Times)

Reading The Hate U Give as person of color who is not Black is especially interesting because I don’t get all the African American cultural references, but I absolutely recognize Starr’s experiences with code switching, going the fuck off when someone makes comments that have no violent intent but that are still hurtful and racist, wondering if you’re good enough for your white partner in your interracial relationship, and being ride or die for your family. I don’t think I’ll ever feel safe joining a protest, but I can and will continue using my voice to say “Uh, hey, that’s kind of racist” even when it means calling out my family or friends or coworkers. Minority solidarity, y’all.

  • trying to wring as much enjoyment as I can out of my life while being stressed from trying to keep house for two adults other than myself

It’s Sunday afternoon and I suppose I should be meal prepping and reviewing my workload and whatnot for the coming week, but instead I’m trying out this pizza dough recipe from Smitten Kitchen, because life is short, and trying to make a heart-shaped pizza for my mom on Mother’s Day is more important than being a model employee, y’know?

(My previous from-scratch attempts have been with this slightly different recipe, but my results have been mediocre, I suspect because I don’t roll my dough out thin enough.)

Here’s to a good week, pals. 🥂