lately (08.16.18)

This post contains affiliate links, because I like money, but I s2g I wrote this post before adding the affiliate links and the monetization does not affect my opinions.

Here’s what I’ve been up to over the past couple weeks:

  • crying, a lot, in a variety of settings including but not limited to
    • the shower (while listlessly soaping my body)
    • the kitchen (while reheating soup, while emptying the dishwasher)
    • the couch (before dinner, during dinner, after dinner)
    • my bed (before sleeping, upon waking)
    • my boyfriend’s bed (see: my bed)
    • the car (on the way to get groceries, on the way to breakfast)
    • my Bedroom Floor (Liam Payne™ No Copyright Infringement Intended)
  • not bathing or grooming or sleeping enough
  • reading

Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine by Gail Honeyman - The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt - Circe by Madeline Miller

Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine by Gail Honeyman (Amazon | Goodreads) – Lovely! A surprise! A little life with a big heart!

The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt (Amazon | Goodreads) – Delicious, excruciating, and just nihilistic enough for my taste. Every scene with Boris made me want to crawl out of my skin in a good way.

Circe by Madeline Miller (Amazon | Goodreads) – In progress. Achingly gorgeous prose, as expected from the author of The Song of Achilles.

Pivot: The Only Move That Matters is Your Next One by Jenny Blake - So Good They Can't Ignore You by Cal Newport

Pivot: The Only Move That Matters is Your Next One by Jenny Blake (Amazon | Goodreads) – Generally helpful career advice, but could’ve been shortened to a blog post or a series of blog posts, IMO. Includes the phrases “monthly nut” and “yearly nut.”

So Good They Can’t Ignore You by Cal Newport (Amazon | Goodreads) – In progress. So far it seems a lot less bullshitty than many other career books I’ve read.

  • reading “The Changeling” by Annerb, the first non-slash fic I’ve read in a long, long time. This one is Harry/Ginny, with the premise being that Ginny was actually sorted into Slytherin. I’m on Chapter 4 and am loving it so far.
  • watching

Winter's Bone - Mamma Mia! - Loving Vincent

Winter’s Bone (Amazon | IMDb) – Jennifer Lawrence is very, very good in this, and it’s obvious why she was cast as Katniss in Hunger Games, though they really should’ve picked someone less white for that role. At least she was appropriately white af in this movie.

Mamma Mia! (Amazon | IMDb) – PURE. JOY. Amanda Seyfried is beautiful, Meryl Streep is BEAUTIFUL, Pierce Brosnan is a dreamboat, and Colin Firth is A GODDAMN DREAM.)

Loving Vincent (Amazon | IMDb) – Worth watching for the artwork alone – it is absolutely gorgeous. This film was obviously made with a lot of love, and it shows.

Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark - Dirty Dancing

Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark (Amazon | IMDb) – I had no idea how attractive I would find Harrison Ford in professorly tweeds and glasses, but I definitely knew how attractive I would find Harrison Ford glistening with sweat, shirt unbuttoned down to his bellybutton, destroying priceless archaeological artifacts. I hate that they put a white dude in monolid prosthetics though! I know it was for a stunt scene, but the yellowface was so jarring!!!

Dirty Dancing (Amazon | IMDb) – SO FUCKING GOOD?! I can’t believe I put off watching this for so long. It is a masterpiece. Patrick Swayze in high-waisted trousers is a masterpiece! “I carried a watermelon” is ICONIC!!!

(Here’s Harrison Ford in tweed and glasses, because:

indiana jones and the raiders of the lost ark - screencap - harrison ford - professor glasses tweed vest 3 piece suit

This is very sexy.

And here’s the yellowface, featuring really crappy single eyelid prosthetics:

indiana jones and the raiders of the lost ark - asian monolid eyelid prosthetics yellowface

This, on the other hand, is not very sexy at all.

(screencaps from movie-screencaps.com)

I can’t wait to see Crazy Rich Asians this weekend so I don’t have to look at a single fake Asian for a whole two hours. I know it’s going to be an imperfect movie because it’s based on an imperfect book, but frankly I’m not going to wait for a perfect movie before I start supporting American movies with many Asian actors.)

  • going to Niall’s concert at Shoreline Amphitheatre in Mountain View and being SO PROUD and SO FULL OF HORNS, because Niall is SO SO SO good live, especially at outdoor venues!

niall horan flicker world tour - shoreline amphitheatre mountain view - marquee

(This is not my video, but something about THOSE JEANS and THAT SHIRT and THIS SONG is what makes Niall Horan the sexiest Direction.)

niall horan flicker world tour - shoreline amphitheatre mountain view - samglorious - anothertoast - featuring a cardboard cutout of nialls head for wild 949

One day I hope to be famous enough that local radio stations have giant cardboard cutouts of my face to pose with. Not pictured: My cousin and I screaming the lyrics to “Better Than Words,” which was playing right before this photo was taken.

(Scrunchie: Forever21. Extra cropped crop top: Forever21. Black mom jeans: Monki via ASOS. Belt: childhood. Shoes: Converse. Backpack you can’t even see: Etsy shop you can’t even view because it’s no longer operating; gift.)

niall horan flicker world tour - shoreline amphitheatre mountain view - christian tierney - photo of crowd

I’m somewhere in this picture! I still don’t know where, but I’m definitely somewhere!!!

(Photo by Christian Tierney, via NJHNews)

  • wearing a lot of scarves in my hair

samglorious - anothertoast - scarf topknot hair

(Blue scarf: Innisfree gift with purchase (lol). Brown scarf: Esprit sample sale. Wild & Free Viking pin: bottleofclouds on Etsy, gift. Love Is A Many Gendered Thing pin: Abprallen on Etsy.)

  • watching Les Misérables at the Orpheum and crying as if on cue at “to love another person is to see the face of god” because it’s fuckin TRUE and it always makes me emosh

  • running lots of budget calculations
  • opening a new credit card
  • making all the appointments!!!
  • working on a long blog post 👀
  • looking up “how to write a glassdoor review without inciting a defamation lawsuit”

glassdoor how to avoid defamation lawsuit negative review - chicken butt

A list of things that have not been legal grounds for a defamation lawsuit, from Glassdoor’s very own article.

And on that note!!! Have a great weekend, pals.

lately (05.07.18)

This post contains affiliate links, because I like money, but I s2g I wrote this post before adding the affiliate links and the monetization does not affect my opinions.

Henlo, friends. I am very tired.

I’ve spent the past 2 months or so in a maelstrom of abject misery, what with trying to interview at like 15 different companies at the same time.

(In Silicon Valley, this generally implies that for each company, you’re spending 1 hour on a recruiter phone call, 1 hour on a live coding exercise, and if you get past those, sometimes 4-8 hours on a take-home project, sometimes 1 hour with each manager whose team you might be joining, and, almost invariably, 6 hours on an onsite interview (though I know of some companies that take up to 16 hours onsite, split over a couple of days).)

After everything, I ended up with exactly one (1) verbal job offer, which I turned down earlier this week, on the grounds that I’d prefer not to work at a company whose self-described engineering culture reeks of Nice Guys™ (a suspicion that was only magnified by their post-interview communications, during which I felt like they were trying to bribe and/or woo me with actual gifts).

So.

It’s May. I’m still at the same job, but I’m making slightly more than I was a couple months ago, thanks to a cost-of-living raise that was 4 months overdue and that took my salary from embarrassingly low to acceptably low.

I’m licking my wounds and wallowing for a bit in my sadness bath and trying not to feel guilty as I concentrate on actually moving out of my childhood home and in with my boyfriend at the apartment I’ve been paying rent on for the past 2 months, instead of trying to interview more.

(I should be studying. I should always be studying(!!!), because I’ve been doing so poorly on my interviews, because I’m mediocre at my profession and I can only get better through practice. But my study strategy so far has consisted of doing practice problems until I have an anxiety attack (lol), and then mentally checking out until the actual interview via a diet of fanfiction, YA fiction, and online window shopping.

And I know you could easily argue that it’s a numbers game and everyone faces rejection sometimes and I haven’t been through that many interviews, but that doesn’t change the fact that I feel guilty for not being stoic enough to study harder. I just… My brain broke, so maybe I did do my best, and it just wasn’t very good.)

Anyway. This work stuff is all a bit boring, so here are some other things I’ve been up to over the past 2 months or so:

Read more…

NEW Anxious Millennial T-Shirts – Anxiety All Day & Direct Deposit

This is another self-promotional post to let you know that I now have three (3) depressing t-shirt designs you can buy on Amazon! Clothe your body in millennial sadness!

Here’s my latest design, which I actually think isn’t very sad at all, tbh, because who doesn’t love direct deposit?

Direct Deposit Heart Tattoo - Mom Tattoo Parody - funny Valentine's Day t-shirt - cash money frugal - Anxious Millennial T-Shirts

Direct Deposit Heart Tattoo T-Shirt

If you too love the sweet smell of direct deposit in the morning but can’t commit to getting a real tattoo of your one true love, you can buy this Direct Deposit t-shirt instead so everyone knows you’re committed to gettin’ that cold hard cash.

Next up is my take on those Rosé All Day tank tops that are everywhere, perfect for people with anxiety who have to joke about it as a coping mechanism!

Anxiete All Day - Anxiety All Day - Rose All Day Parody - funny sad depressing t-shirts - Anxious Millennial T-Shirts

Anxiété All Day – Anxiety Rosé All Day Parody T-Shirt

Who needs rosé wine (or a $405 Céline t-shirt) when you can overthink small everyday decisions and embrace the unplaceable fear that Something Is Going To Happen? Grab your own Anxiété All Day t-shirt here.

And finally, the first design I put up, which is perfect for any broke millennial who can’t afford to buy a house because you’re blowing your entire budget on avocado toast:

Avocado Toast & Student Loans & Roommates forever & Killing the diamond industry. - funny sad depressing t-shirts about crippling student loan debt, being too broke to buy expensive rocks, being unable to afford buying a home, renting forever - Anxious Millennial T-Shirts

Avocado Toast & Student Loans & Roommates Forever & Killing the Diamond Industry Millennial T-Shirt

Are you struggling with crippling student loan debt? Let this Avocado Toast & Student Loans t-shirt remind you of just how powerful you are – YOU are killing the diamond industry.

inaction

This post contains affiliate links, because I like money, but I s2g I wrote this post before adding the affiliate links and the monetization does not affect my opinions.

Hello bubs. I’m currently folded up with menstrual cramps on my boyfriend’s couch while the cat licks her butthole next to me.

I have so many half-started (more like eighth-started) posts sitting around, but even though I want to work on them, I can’t bring myself to actually do it.

I used to feel antsy with possibility whenever a new year rolled around, but I think ever since starting my current job about two years ago, I keep finding myself too exhausted to take inventory of my life after the holidays. Or maybe that’s just adulthood. Maybe that’s just what it’s like to be in a relationship, because what’s happening in front of me feels more important than a hypothetical improved version of myself. Maybe I’m done with self-improvement. Or maybe I just need to find a new job.

sam thinking about work

me thinking about going to work

(I do. I’m unhappy at work, and it’s making my anxiety flare up in a way that hasn’t happened in a couple years. Also, I’m underpaid, because my employer sucks.)

(To be clear: I get paid a lot, by most standards, but I’m making at least $15k less than market rate for someone with my experience. I’m not complaining about making too little; I’m complaining about my company being run by a bunch of assholes. They are underpaying everyone whose salary I know.)

Maybe I should set a baby goal. A mini goal, that is. Not a goal for a baby. I know I’m that age now, but I don’t want a baby just yet.

I did talk to a recruiter on Friday, which is good for phone interview practice. But I’m procrastinating on setting up my follow-up phone call, which is painful to think about, mostly because I’m afraid the technical interviewer on the other end is going to discover I’m a fraud and I’m actually incompetent. (Which is my own fear about myself.)

I gotta do it, though. I gotta do it. How else am I supposed to change my situation?

(THANKS, SELF, FOR MAKING ME WRITE THIS BLOG POST. I EMAILED THE RECRUITER BACK. I’M SWEATING.)

Here’s a mini update of other things I’ve been busy with:

  • reading Ready Player One by Ernest Kline (Goodreads | Amazon)
  • and Ratf**ked: The True Story Behind The Secret Plan To Steal America’s Democracy by David Daley (Goodreads | Amazon)
  • and My Brilliant Friend by Elena Ferrante (Goodreads | Amazon)
  • thinking about buying tickets to go see Betty Who in concert
  • trying to avoid buying clothing, shoes, accessories, or makeup for a while
  • doing a backdoor Roth IRA for the first time
  • playing Overcooked with my boyfriend in an attempt to improve our communication, coordination, and teamwork (IT’S SO FUN! And frustrating. But mostly fun!)
  • getting back into Since First I Saw Your Face (it was a WIP and I was stuck waiting for an update for a while) and LIVING for Holmes’ pining
  • hurtin’ to watch the new Jumanji because KAREN GILLAN!!! Her legs make me useless.

Tomorrow, I’m going to the Legion of Honor to see the Klimt/Rodin special exhibit (before I head home to study more practice problems from Cracking the Coding Interview and to sit in dread thinking about going in to work on Monday). It’s been a while since my last trip to a museum and I’m looking forward to being movèd by art again. I think my heart needs it.